the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
