so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
