I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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