it's not cheating when I paid for it
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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