Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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