my room smells like sperm. sweet.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
