i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
