do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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