The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
