Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
