my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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