i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
