i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
