So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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