Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
