ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
