oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
