yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
