marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
