you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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