My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
