I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
