In America we eat man semen.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
