I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
