the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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