Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
