twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
