Don't make out with my wife yet
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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