is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
