Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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