Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
