shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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