I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
