And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
