how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
