So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
