Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
