I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
