did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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