I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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