Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
