I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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