two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
