She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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