you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
