Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
