i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
