and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
