I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
