At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
