Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
