shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
