Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
