she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
