Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
