my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
