i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
