Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
