I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
